2015: A Year of HOPE. 2016: A Time for HOPE.

If there's one word that carried me through 2015, it's hope. Thinking back on this time last year, we were so ready for a new year after a year of losses of loved ones and our first baby. New Year's Eve is not usually a favorite time for me - for some reason it makes me sad to say farewell to a year and be nostalgic - but saying goodbye to 2014 was easy to do. 

Fast forward a year. 2015 is coming to an end in a few hours, and it has been a a good year and a year of hope for many reasons. We entered the year praying God would provide a way for us to become parents, and He did. We prayed that this pregnancy would "stick", and it did. And although we have had so many ups and downs over the last 15 weeks, we focused on different verses of scripture that centered around one recurring theme: hope. Through all of the trials lately, we have remained hopeful. The Lord has great things in store for us and for our baby girl, and 2016 will be incredible - I just know it. 

So with that, I'll leave 2015 with the announcement of our baby girl's name: Hope Annette. Because we can all use a little HOPE for 2016!

Blessings and hope to you all in the new year! 

The Hamiltons  

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

- Jeremiah 29:11

Showered with love!

I still can't believe I had a baby shower...for a sweet baby girl, no less...but that's exactly what happened on Sunday afternoon! My cousin Heather, best friends Lesley and Lindsey, and cousin's wife Megan hosted the most beautiful, Lilly Pulitzer-themed shower for me and our baby girl in my hometown in Florida. And I got to see so many friends and family members on top of it all. It was perfect!

One excited mama-to-be before the shower! 

The decor was gorgeous, especially those flowers!

The guests signed the mat around the Lilly-themed invite, which will go in the nursery.

Shower hostesses and my cousin's daughter

Me and my mommy!

This darling garland Lesley made of Lilly fabric will go in baby's nursery!

Lilly-esque cake! And the top layer was gluten free = perfection. 

High school friends!

Three generations (four if you count baby!)

We got a LOT of cute loot! 

So many people who love us. Delicious shower goodies (including GF cake) and punch. Too many adorable pink things. Old friends, family who drove hours to be there, and multiple generations in one room. It was the perfect day! We are feeling so, so, so blessed in every way. 

Next up: get this stuff home to South Carolina! :)

xo

KH

We're having a GIRL! {Our Gender Reveal}

I guess my mom instinct isn't right on yet, because every part of me thought we were having a baby boy. In fact, everyone thought we were having a boy - except Alex! He had been saying girl all along until we got to the week of our reveal - then he flip-flopped to Boy, so I guess he was technically wrong, too!

Our gender reveal was a small affair, with just our parents and my best friend Lesley -- who surprised me by driving almost 6 hours to Columbia the night before! It was SO special to have her here for this big moment. And I really needed my bestie!

With all that had come to light in the days preceding the reveal (namely, the results of our 20-week anatomy scan), we were not feeling very festive or much like celebrating. The fact is that there are still a lot of unknowns. But after being sad and scared for a few days, Alex and I said, You know what? No matter what happens, this baby will be celebrated. Baby deserves a gender reveal and has a lot of people who loves him or her! So on we went with our little gender reveal celebration and I'm so glad we did.

Two days before the reveal, Alex and I went to a local boutique and picked out a baby boy and a baby girl outfit. We handed over the envelope with the gender result, the outfits and our credit card and came back in 15 minutes to pick up the package that would tell us if we were having a boy or a girl! (And then I had to stare at that little blue box for 2 days...)

Since the party was small and in the middle of the afternoon (in between football games), we kept it pretty simple and mostly used decorations I had on hand. But I did want to include some festive balloons and pink and blue candy to make it very "baby"!

The outfits that Alex and I came home from the hospital in many moons ago :)

After stalling for awhile (because I wasn't in a hurry to find out: I just KNEW I already knew it was a boy!), our moms told us they were anxious and had to know! So we took a deep breath and unwrapped...

The box!

Shocked. Totally shocked. 

And here's the video so you can see the reaction in action and hear my dad's awesome commentary :)

It's a GIRL!!!

My stepdad was the only one who thought it was a girl - so the rest of the group was totally surprised!

After the reveal, with all of our parents!

Parents, Lesley, Alex and I (and baby girl's sweet little outfit)

Me and Baby Girl at 20 weeks, 5 days

The girls are getting a baby sister! 

We are feeling so, so blessed by this little girl and the things she's already teaching us. Parenting really does start before the baby even arrives! We continue to pray for good results from our amnio test, and ask for your prayers for her and for us. For now, it's all pink over here as we pray for good news and think positively, and know God has it all under control!

xo
KH

Nursery Planning: Boy and Girl nursery themes

We find out on SATURDAY if our little babe is a handsome boy or a darling girl. I am kind of in disbelief that I'm already 20 weeks and will soon know if I'll have a son or a daughter. The fact that the envelope with the verdict is in my purse right now is really, super, extra tempting.

Our 20-week ultrasound was yesterday and to be honest, it was tough. I am not quite ready to share the details but we will be seeing a specialist next week to learn more. I covet your prayers as we find out more about our baby's health in the coming weeks.

For now, I'm going to focus on the good  and the fun, and what's more fun than nursery planning?!

To get myself geared up for our reveal on Saturday with our parents, I put the nursery plans that I've had in my head down on "paper" to get a visual. And to, oh I don't know, show the hubs how our kid's room might will be decorated. And I am so excited! I don't know which one is my favorite.

Baby boy nursery: Vintage Golf
I mean, this theme might be a little obvious for a golf coach's baby boy. But I couldn't resist! And Alex is on board. I plan to use some vintage golf posters, as well as pictures of Alex and his dad playing golf when they were young.

Golf-inspired baby boy nursery by klhamilton featuring a weave basket

Baby girl nursery: Lilly Pulitzer-inspired Chinoiserie 
Okay, so a Lilly-themed nursery might also be a little obvious for a girl from South Florida - ha! While pastels are sweet, I love bright colors in a baby's room. I want to get some vintage Lilly fabric scraps to make some wall hangings and pillows, and include some chinoiserie elements in the room as well.

Lilly Pulitzer-inspired Chinoiserie baby girl nursery by klhamilton featuring a pink rug

Notice that I used a gray glider in both mocks. I'm thinking I need to stay neutral with the glider, since they are such an investment and we plan on having more than one child, God-willing. But we might go the slip-covered route, which is more $ up front - but I can more easily change the look later. Any thoughts on a glider?

Let me know what you think! And again - please, please remember Baby H in your prayers.  

xo

KH

Five on Friday: Birthday Edition

Happy Friday!! So many things to be happy about today, one of which is of course that we're heading into a long weekend! And another is that it's SEPTEMBER: my favorite month. September brings my birthday, college football, all things pumpkin and fall, and (fingers crossed) slightly cooler weather. What's not to love?

Yesterday was my 31st birthday and even though I had to work, it was a great day! Hubby made it extra special for me and I went to sleep last last thinking about how good life is.

ONE.

I started my birthday yesterday morning with a quick photo shoot with my bump and my pups. Yesterday was a weird day, since I had to work and then it was game day for the Gamecocks and everything in Cola shuts down! But it was still a great birthday spent with thoughtful coworkers, festive friends and a sweet husband. Alex took me out to lunch and then I got off work a teeny bit early to run home and throw together an app for a football watching party at some friends' house. 

TWO.
When I got home from work, Alex surprised me with flowers and a sweet little birthday set-up in the kitchen (note the sweet potato, representing baby!). He also wowed me by swiffering, vacuuming and mopping the floors: acts of service is my love language, y'all. Best gift ever!

THREE. 
As quick as we could get there, we headed over to watch the Gamecocks with some friends (6pm kickoff on a Thursday is tough to make!). I brought some de-alcoholized wine so I at least felt like I was part of the festivities! And A had picked up some seriously delicious Gluten Free chocolate cupcakes from Whole Foods to share with the gang. 

FOUR.
When we got home late after the game, I opened my gift from Alex: these gorgeous Pandora stacking rings! I love that I can wear them alone or a few at a time. Guess I need to get a manicure now!

FIVE. 
The best part of the day was falling asleep and feeling Baby H moving around in there! The last 3 days, I have finally felt the baby and known for sure that it's the baby (not food digesting or gas, ha!). He or she has been so active and it's amazing to feel that little babe from the inside! Life is so good and we are  so blessed.


Happy Labor Day weekend!
xo
Kristin  

Linking up with

 April, Christina, Natasha and Darci! 

We have big news...

Baby Hamilton is on the way! 

Our little one is due February 1, 2016 and we could not be more excited! Alex and I are bursting with love and joy, and humbled that God has given us this miracle. God's perfect plan and timing never cease to amaze me!

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. - Proverbs 139:13-16

An update on me (and the baby fever that won't go away)

Taking things to a serious level today. But before I get into this, I want to say thank you. Many of you have been so sweet to think of me, pray for me and offer well wishes after reading about our sad time at the end of last year. And that is how I shall refer to it from now on because I am hopeful and determined that the sad time is behind us and we are moving into a brighter, happier time!

Because I never really wrote about my path to pregnancy before our loss, I'm going to start from the beginning and catch you up. Really put alllll my personal business out there because that's what we do, right?

Here's a timeline:

• July 9, 2011: we got married!! Best. Day. Ever.
• July 2013: we take a dream vacation to Italy. This is our last major "before babies bucket list" item: check!
• November 2013: I take my last birth control pill. Getting excited!
• December 2013: we officially start trying for baby Hamilton!
• February 2014: I start "charting" (taking my temperature every morning to chart my cycle) and taking ovulation tests to make conception more likely. 
• September 2014: I have a conversation with my doc about our attempt at baby-making. According to my charts, my luteal phase (the time between ovulation and a period) seems to be too short to sustain a pregnancy. My NP is skeptical that I'm ovulating at all and recommends I start Clomid if I don't conceive that month. (If you don't know what Clomid is, I'm a little jealous! It's a drug that induces ovulation for women who may not be ovulating.)
• October 2014: I start taking my first round of Clomid that cycle. The side effects - hot flashes, mood swings, weight gain, acne - are just lovely. But totally, 100% worth it. 
• November 20, 2014: I get the surprise of my life when, at the doc to get a Clomid refill after Round One, I find out I'm pregnant. I'm out-of-my-mind happy. I tell Alex that night when he gets home and we laugh and cry! We tell our parents a week later on Thanksgiving. 
• December 7, 2014: at 6 weeks pregnant, I'm bleeding. I go to the ER and they tell me there's a 50% chance of miscarriage. 
• December 9, 2014: blood tests for hCG confirm I am losing the baby and the pregnancy is not viable. I choose to have a D&C. 
• December 10, 2014: I have a D&C. I am emotionally devastated, but medically, everything goes well.  
• December 22, 2014: at my post-op, my OB tells me I have healed fine but the pathologist is concerned that my pregnancy may have been a partial-molar pregnancy. The only way to know for sure is to see how long it takes my hCG level to hit zero. In the meantime, she says in no uncertain terms that I cannot, under any circumstances get pregnant again until we know the pregnancy wasn't molar (a molar pregnancy can be harmful to the mother because in rare cases, cancerous cells can form. A pregnancy could essentially feed any cancerous cells, thus the rationale for preventing pregnancy). Needless to say, I'm crushed. She said I might have to wait 6 months or maybe even longer before we can try again, which seems like an eternity. 
• February 2015: after several hCG tests, my levels have quickly returned to zero (the normal level of a woman who is not pregnant), thus indicating that my pregnancy was not at all molar. Praise the Lord! My OB gives me a Rx for Clomid again. Here we go: Round Two. 

And that brings us to now!

Don't you wish sometimes that you had a crystal ball and could get a glimpse into your future? To know how the story unfolds, or even just read a few critical lines in advance? For anyone who has tried to get pregnant - I don't care if you tried 2 months or 2 years - you know it is so, so hard to remain positive month after month. That when baby fever hits, it is relentless. Don't get me wrong: compared to many women, I haven't been trying that long at all. There are women who have been trying for years to have a baby and I am in awe of those women and their perseverance. In my case, I know that God sent me that baby at that time to ease my mind, because I was starting to go crazy. No, really.

Trying for a baby is without a single doubt the HARDEST thing I have ever done. Harder than the trials of dating and eventually finding my husband. Harder than grad school and then trying to find a job at the height of the Recession. Harder even than dealing with my parents' divorce when I was in high school. Trying for a baby will test you in every way. It will try your emotional strength and maybe even your faith; it will affect your marriage (in good and bad ways) and friendships (jealously is a terrible thing); it will occupy your every thought, making work or anything else darn near impossible; it will hold your future plans hostage (want to plan a vacation? You'll play "what if" until you go nuts). But I know this is ALL part of His plan. So that baby that we lost served an incredibly powerful role: it showed me I could get pregnant. It helped me relax. And it helped make me more aware than ever before that God is in control and He holds the blueprints for my life - not me.

So for now, I am trying to stay relaxed. Trying to remember that God's plan is perfect. Enjoying this precious season in life of just me and Alex before we have a family. Because I know in my heart that it will happen.

And if you're going through something similar, please know you're not alone.

Onto happier times! Best best is yet to come!
xo
KH

A year of loss

**WARNING: this is not a happy post. But it's true, it's very real and it's from my heart. I wanted to share because this is a topic that often goes un-shared, un-discussed and un-mentioned. Maybe you needed to read this today, for yourself or for a loved one. I hope it finds its way to someone who needs it. 

When Alex and I look back on 2014, I hope we think about our life in Columbia...maybe our vacations to Chicago or Pebble Beach...or that I turned 30. But I'm afraid we might think of 2014 as a year of loss.

The tidal wave of loss started in August. Alex's Mimi, who had been ill for some time with dementia and Parkinson's, left this world. We were saddened but knew it was coming, and when she died, we knew she was no longer suffering. In some ways, it was a bittersweet relief for we knew she was so much better off in heaven.

Then, a few weeks after she died, Alex's Papa (Mimi's husband and Alex's last living grandparent) found out he had untreatable, widespread cancer. He had not been overly sick - just weak (and brokenhearted), but the cancer diagnosis quelled his will to live and fight - and who could blame him? We lost Papa in September just 1 month and 1 day after Mimi passed. His death was more sudden and shocking: just like that, Alex's mom had lost both of her parents in 31 days and Alex had lost all of his grandparents.

October seemed to be going alright until my grandmother had her knee replaced at the ripe old age of 87. Now, not many folks elect to have total knee replacement at that age, but she wanted to - said she had a lot of things she wanted to do! The surgery went great, and she was healing wonderfully in rehab. Then, out of nowhere, she caught pneumonia while still in rehab. She was admitted to the hospital. Within two days, she was moved to ICU and had a mild heart attack due to the stress on her heart caused by her labored breathing. She died on Sunday, October 26. I was in shock. How could this happen? My Grandma was sharp as a tack, in great health and a reasonably young 87. I took the loss incredibly hard (and am still taking it hard): I was very close with her. We emailed (yes, emailed) on a regular basis. She called to chat about football games. I inherited a lot of my hallmark traits from her, like bargain shopping and organization. She was the first grandparent to lose, which just opened a fresh wound for me and a haunting realization that I'll have to go through this three more times for three people I'm equally close to. I still can't believe she's gone.

November came fast and brought with it a slew of activity, mostly work related. I'd started to have another Crohn's flare (the 3rd or 4th of the year), but I really didn't want to start prednisone again because, quite frankly, taking steroids is no fun at all and causes me to blow up like a balloon, have a ferocious appetite, and most importantly, jacks with the timing of ovulation. Yep, we've been trying to conceive for a year now so our world pretty much revolved around ovulation (fun times!!). I'd also started taking Clomid that cycle (which makes your body ovulate - my doc prescribed it because my progesterone was slightly low. Also, it's an excellent first line of defense if the horrid label of "infertility" is getting near as it's super cheap and easy). I didn't want to undo the hard work Clomid was doing by taking prednisone, so I asked my gastroenterologist for a milder med to treat the flare. I knew I was taking a risk that my flare could get worse, but I was bound and determined that nothing else was going to get in the way of having a baby.

With the grief from my grandmother's loss, the stress from work and the Crohn's flare, I knew November was a gonner for us in terms of conceiving. But God has a funny way of showing us just exactly how in control He is. I found out I was pregnant on Thursday, November 20 - at my OB-GYN's office! I was there because I *thought* I'd started my period, so I was going to get another round of Clomid. The nurse did a pregnancy test (just in case) and lo and behold, it was positive.

I was in SHOCK. I mean, shock I tell you. I had to wait ALL DAY LONG to tell Alex because I wanted to tell him in person that night after work. I surprised him with a gift - a little onesie and my positive pregnancy test - when he got home that night. You know that country song, "Laughed Until We Cried" by Jason Aldean, where he talks about trying so long they almost gave up hope and they find out they're pregnant and they laughed until the cried in the kitchen? That was us. Laughing, crying, looking in amazement at that positive test (actually, two tests - I'd taken another when I got home). We felt so blessed, so unbelievably grateful that I'd conceived after 11 months of disappointment.

SO HAPPY!

surprise!!!

girls, you're gonna be big sisters!

Just a week later was Thanksgiving, and A's parents were going to come to my mom and stepdad's cabin for the weekend. We knew that even though it was really early, it was the perfect time to tell them since they'd all be together (we FaceTimed my dad and stepmom, who were in Florida). And I could not keep a secret like that from my mom for long!

Right before Thanksgiving dinner, I told everyone we were going to  play the "What are you thankful for?" game and I'd placed a message in a little box for everyone to read aloud. Slowly, they began opening and reading the tiny pieces of paper: "I"m thankful to become a Grandmother!" and so forth. The reactions were priceless. Tears, laughter, hugs, handshakes. It was everything I ever hoped it would be. This would be the first grandbaby on both sides. Finally!

the place setting...holding a secret!

my mom's surprise

my brother and our parents with their notes! 

our family

A week later, I was 6 weeks pregnant and starting to feel the joys of pregnancy. Food aversions, extreme tiredness (not helped by giving up caffeine), and even a little nausea. Crohn's had continued to get worse and I was worried that it would hurt the baby, so my GI put me on 20mg of prednisone which had some risks to the fetus but my health was seen as more important. It wasn't helping, and my symptoms were getting worse.

A few days later, on a Saturday night, I started to bleed. Not much, but any time you see blood when you're pregnant, you naturally freak out. Then I started cramping: again, not horribly, but the combo was unsetting. We decided to go to the ER to rule out an ectopic pregnancy and for peace of mind.

After 6 awful hours in the ER (including an ultrasound that literally lasted one hour), there was no conclusion. The doctor said that they hadn't detected a heartbeat, but at 6 weeks along that was hit or miss. He said some women have bleeding and cramping and everything turns out fine, while others will eventually miscarry. There was really nothing to do but go home and rest.

The next Monday morning, I had my hcG levels tested to see if they were rising as they should - the only good indication that the baby was alive and thriving. I had to wait an excruciating 30 hours to hear from my doctor's office with the results. When I finally got them on Tuesday, December 9, they hit me like a freight train: my levels had dropped. The pregnancy was not viable. I was losing my baby. I had a decision to make: miscarry naturally at home or have a D&C.

I opted for the D&C because I wanted it to be over as soon as possible. I had the surgery the next day, on December 10. If I'd waited it out completely naturally, it could have taken weeks. Even with the assistance of medicine, it could have taken several days. I wanted it to be over. I wanted to mourn the loss of that tiny life inside me and heal. I also had Crohn's to think of, which has gotten so bad that I was having a hard time keeping food down and the thought of going through a painful miscarriage on top of that sounded miserable. But most of all, to be completely honest, I chose to forego the emotional toll I knew a natural miscarriage would have on me.

The D&C was easy. My doctor came in beforehand and prayed with Alex and I. The nurses and staff were so sweet and caring and were really considerate of the reason we were there. They put me under; I woke 45 minutes later (in pain, but speedy drugs to the rescue!) and went home a few hours later. I rested for the next several days in bed where Alex played nurse in the most excellent way.

Emotionally, it has not been easy. While I am glad that I opted for the D&C, I am still (I'm only 8 days post-surgery) mentally tender and emotionally exhausted. I KNOW God has a very special plan for Alex and I and our family. I know that this baby was not meant to be - on earth, anyway. I am so relieved to know that I CAN get pregnant. But I am devastated. I cry at the most random things. Some moments I'm pissed at the world. I wonder, why me? why us? why not this baby? But you know what? It doesn't matter. God took me to this place for a reason. He will lift me out of it, too.

Needless to say, we're ready to bid farewell to 2014 and are SO hopeful for 2015! I know that there are great things in store for us. We may not have a baby in 2015, but I do believe that we will be closer to becoming parents. Right now, it feels like we're starting over but hey - that's OKAY! A new year is the perfect fresh start. Bring it on. Right now, I'm focusing on healing physically and emotionally and getting Crohn's under control.

I hope that I haven't depressed you a week before Christmas, but I thought it was important to openly talk about my miscarriage. About 50% of women will miscarry at some point, and no one talks about it. You may know a few people who have miscarried, but I promise you know a TON more who have experienced loss and never told you. I know it makes me feel better to have friends and family coming out of the woodwork to tell me about their losses - and to see them now with a few cute, healthy kiddos they're hauling around town, frantically trying to finish their Christmas shopping! It will happen. I know it will. I have faith. And it's going to be worth the wait.

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." - Hebrews 11:1

xo
KH

Having faith greater than fear

I'm getting personal today. Alex and I have recently started thinking about having a baby.

We've been married two and a half years. We both have good jobs. We're in a solid financial situation. We done those "Twenties" things like staying out too late or having too much to drink. We've taken the dream vacation to Italy we talked about for years. We've raised two dogs, which although nothing like child-rearing I'm sure, does prove a moderate capability of responsibility. We've done all the things you're "supposed" to do, in the "right order" - high school, college, love, marriage. We feel ready. Or as ready as I suppose anyone ever feels when contemplating whether or not to bring a life into the world.

I am a control freak. I like to have a plan, and stick to that plan. I am extremely motivated by to-do lists and accomplishing goals. And the more I understand (and re-learn from 9th grade health class) about the complexity of what actually has to perfectly align to conceive a child blows all of my planning and to-do lists to bits. I mean, seriously. You start reading this stuff and you think, "How does anyone actually get pregnant?!" I guess that's why it's called the Miracle of Life, huh?

I am a worrier. I have struggled with intense worry many times in my life. Matthew 6:25-34 has been one of my favorite scripture readings for years because I cling to those words: "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"...

I don't want to worry about the things that might happen. I have no reason to believe that I will not be able to conceive, or that I will have a child born with complications, or will lose a child. Alex and I are just getting started on this journey, and it's different for everyone. Three consecutive posts in my Facebook feed last week prove this. Three women who I went to college with, all sorority sisters of mine. All love the Lord, all have an intense faith.

The first woman is a mom of 2 healthy, perfect little girls.  She was pregnant with her 3rd, a little boy. She found out around 24 weeks that he had Trisomy 18 and would likely be stillborn. She delivered him last week, a tiny, stillborn baby boy who will never have an earthly life. She and her family are mourning the loss of a child, grandchild, and little brother. Her faith throughout this ordeal has been incredibly inspiring. She was literally bracing herself for the sure loss of a child for 9 long weeks before it actually happened. I cannot imagine.

The second woman found out a few months after her wedding that she was expecting triplets. Natural triplets! Although she had no problem conceiving, she delivered the babies - 2 girls and a boy - very early and, as with most multiple or premature births, there were complications. She just brought the last of the babies home from the NICU a few weeks ago after a nearly 3-month stay. Thankfully, everything looks good now and the babies seem to be doing fine.

The third woman has been trying to conceive for more than 2 years. She recently started writing personal blog posts about she and her husband's struggle with infertility, and the possibility of adopting. They had an adoption in the works, but it fell through. Then, a picture popped up in my newsfeed: she was holding a darling, squishy infant and the caption was "It's a GIRL!"She literally woke up one morning and found out that they were getting a baby that day - no time to prepare a nursery, no time for a baby shower, no time to even tell her job! She is now a mommy, and seeing those pictures makes me well up with tears of joy for her.

These cases are all amazing. They are all sad, terrifying, and uplifting in their own ways. I could go on and on about the many women I know who have miscarried, been unable to get pregnant, have had complications with pregnancy or birth, or have had truly terrifying health scares with their children.

But you know what? I know even more women who have had no problem conceiving, have had beautiful, healthy children, and the only pregnancy "issue" they had was gaining a little too much pregnancy weight.

I must choose to have faith greater than fear. If I start to think about all the things that could go wrong, I'll make myself crazy. And in the end, it's in God's hands. It's all in His perfect timing, in His perfect way, in His perfect plan.

So here we are, beginning this journey that will end one way or another, by God's grace, in parenthood. Which is the start of another journey. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know if I will struggle to become pregnant. I don't know if I will have a healthy child. I don't know if I will have a baby at all. But I DO know that God has a plan. Faith greater than fear.

Here we go! Wish us luck (*wink*)